CRAP

I went to bed at 3 AM and got up at 6 AM today. And I'm not even sleepy anymore. A message woke me up, a message that told me that I should text him as soon as I wake up. I wanted to reply the message but then suddenly, I started to cry again. It brought my sadness back. I've been waiting for him to reply my message, to calm me down, to make me feel a little bit better last night but he didn't even say "goodnight" or "good luck for your performance". This is it, this is the day that I've been waiting for. But still, I feel nothing today. Still, it feels that I won't be there. I've been preparing for my first performance since a month ago, but now I feel like I'm not ready yet. I'm chatting with a friend right now, I used to tell him everything. But now I can't even tell him what I'm feeling right now. I keep telling him that I'm not ready, I'm not sure I can give my best. He told me to stop crying, he kept asking what on earth is going on with me today. For God's sake I don't even know what's going on with me. I really wish that I can share my problem with him, but I can't even tell him the problem. Oh great, is this what you want?

Lost

Tomorrow will be my first dance performance. I used to feel excited or nervous. But tonight, I feel numb. It feels like there won't be anything special tomorrow. It's odd cause I've been waiting for this since two weeks ago. And know I feel nothing? I don't even know why. It feels like I won't be there, feels like no one will see me there tomorrow.
I told myself, "Don't be such a fool, of course you'll be there. Your friends will be there too, everything's gonna be okay" But then I realized that I was trying to lie to myself. Everything's a mess, nothing's gonna be okay. Okay, everyone might be there. But how 'bout him? It feels like I've lost him, feels like he's gone.
I have to stay focus for my performance, but I can't even get him out of my mind. And it's driving me crazy. I know it's not fair. I haven't prepared my shoes, clothes, or other stuff for tomorrow. But I don't even care, cause I keep thinking "Why should I do that? I won't be there. I'll stay in here tomorrow, in my own room. Alone, crying, feeling so lost just like today. Or even worse" God, I just need to doze off. But I can't even stop crying. I feel so lost, I'm not ready to face tomorrow. I'm not sure I can give my best. My friends will be there, and I won't able to give my best? I really don't want to let them down God, I swear.

Hey Fake One

Emang harus nya gue ga prnh bela in lo ya dari dulu. Emang harus nya gue ga pernah nutupin semua kesalahan lo. Biar semua org tau lo kyk apa, biar semua org tau klo lo cuma bisa jelek2 in org lain tanpa nyadar lo sendiri jelek nya kyk apa. Lo trs2 an belagak baik dpn gue, jd gue ga tega klo ada yg nny ttg kejelekan lo pdhl gue tau semuanya. Even klo ada yg jelek in lo, sbnr nya gue kesian sama lo. Tp lo trs2 an ngomongin gue di blkg gue. Gue ga pernah peduli lo mau ngmg apa aja ttg gue, gue jg ga peduli lo mau jelek2 in gue di dpn siapa aja. Karena klo lo jelek2 in gue dpn tmn2 gue, mereka semua itu jauh lebih tau gue daripada lo.
You never were a friend of mine, you know nothing about me. So stop talking about me and shut your fucking mouth bitch. Dan klo lo jelek2 in gue dpn tmn2 lo, yg ga kenal sama gue dan ga gue kenal. GO AHEAD, I DON'T CARE. Cause I'm sure one day, they'll realized that they've been standing on the wrong side and they'll regret it. Gue ga peduli mereka mau kemakan omongan lo apa ga, sedikit pun gue ga peduli. Karena mereka bkn siapa2 gue, mrk ga kenal gue. Jadi klo mereka benci sama gue gara2 omongan lo, gue maklum. Gue ga bkl mrh jg sama mrk. Tp klo mrk ga kemakan omongan lo, I'm sure that they're smart people.
Klo lo bisa dikit aja, hargain usaha gue nutupin semua kesalahan lo, mungkin gue ga bakal semarah ini sama lo. Tp lo bnr2 gatau terimakasih ya, gue trs2 an nutupin kejelekan lo, tp lo trs2 an jelek2 in gue dpn semua org. Lo kira gue ga berani sama lo? BIG MISTAKE. Jangan sampe gue buka semua omongan lo, jangan sampe gue ksh tau semua kelakuan lo ke org2. Hem tp ya gue rasa bkn gue yg bakal buka semua itu, lama2 jg semua org tau busuk nya lo. Gue yakin bgt, jd buat apa gue dosa buka2 aib lo klo ntr lo sendiri yg bakal buka aib lo dgn kelakuan lo.

Be back soon my babies

I don't even know what to type. It's holiday and I'm stucked in my room, alone, clueless and of course bored. Waiting for a friend to visit and steal my boredom. But I think she's still in her crib (I'm not even sure she has taken a bath, GOD where are you Kiaaa) So I decided to post this blog, and I hope it'll make me feel a little bit better. I really need someone to talk to cause I miss my friends damn much. I've been so busy rehearsing for my dance competition which is getting closer. So I just have to ignore it. Okay it's easy to do when I'm busy and have so many things to do but when I don't have something to do, they popped up and make me miss them even more.

Fitri Syally Cenni Dura Memet Lidia Irma I miss you guys damn much, when will we go out and share our silly, sad, or happy stories again? When will do some silly things again? Will you guys come and watch my first performance? Irma I really hope you can be back to Jakarta as soon as possible cause we're missing you like crazy.

Be back soon my babies, I miss you all so much

Can you name 30 people you can think of right off the top of your head? Don't read the questions underneath until you write the names of all 30 people. No cheating!

1. djody

2. fitri

3. syally

4. cenni

5. dura

6. irma

7. lidia

8. mutia

9. tasya

10. mila

11. vina

12. ria

13. kia

14. ayu

15. kak ila

16. kak citra

17. yoga

18. kevin

19. ichsan

20. hanafi

21. andre

22. alland

23. dimas pabelo

24. ncaa

25. devri

26. nadya

27. melvi

28. putri

29. prista

30. karin

THE QUESTIONS:

• How did you meet 10?

-Satu sekolah -.-

• What would you do if you had never met 6?

-my life would be empty

• What would you do if 20 and 15 dated?

-PINGSAN gue

• If you could marry between 6 and 14 who will it be?

-emg gue lesbian apa, nomor 1 aja deh

• Did you ever like 9?

-yes as a friend

• Have you ever seen 4 cry?

-yes i have

• Would 4 and 12 make a good couple?

-couple of friend, yes

• Would number 1 and 2 make a good couple?

-jangan dong haha punya gue noh yg nomor 1

• Describe 8:

-silly, honest, best friend ever

• Do you like 12?

-kesayangan gue ituuuuu

• Tell me something about 17:

-tmn sekelas gue, bangor abis

• What's 7's favorite color?

-ape ye lid -.-

• What would you do if 1 just confessed they liked you?

-udh kok, nih lg gue pacarin HAHA

• When was the last time you talked to number 15?

-udh lama bgt

• How do you think 19 feels about you?

- biasa aja kyk nya

• What languages does 13 speak?

- indonesia, english, a bit germany

• Who is 2 going out with?:

- Fahmi dooooong

• What grade is 16 in?

- 12th grader, udh lulus sih

• What is 5's favorite music?

- banyak yegak dur

• Would you ever date 3?

- ngabuseeeeeet di gebuk alland ntr

• Is 11 single?

- Pacar nya ical noh

• What is 10s last name?

- dewi intifada

• Would you ever want to be in a serious relationship with 7?

- lesbian apa ya

• Where does 18 live?

- gatau gue

• What do you think about 20?

- super duper silly

• What is the best thing about 4?

- a true best friend

• Is 21 hard-working?

- iya kok haha

• What would you like to tell 14 right now?

- kapan jln lg cantik?

• How did you meet 9?

- satu sekolah, satu bangku sama gue

• What is the best and worst thing about 2?

- best: she's irreplaceable

- worst: gampang mewek hihi

• Are you going to know 3 forever?

- yes i am

• How long have you known 26?

- ga lama2 bgt

• Who is 24?

- adek2 an gue doong

• Are you or did you ever date 28?

- emg gue lesbian

• Do you have a crush on 27?

- astgf adek gue itu ckck

• Would you kiss 25?

- why not pipi nya aja oke haha

• Have you hugged/kissed 22?

- ga lah MT bnr haha

• Is 29 your bff?

- ga jg biasa aja

• What do you hate about 23?

- tukang ngambek haha ampun bang

• What's your relationship with 30?

- temen dong