Lost

Tomorrow will be my first dance performance. I used to feel excited or nervous. But tonight, I feel numb. It feels like there won't be anything special tomorrow. It's odd cause I've been waiting for this since two weeks ago. And know I feel nothing? I don't even know why. It feels like I won't be there, feels like no one will see me there tomorrow.
I told myself, "Don't be such a fool, of course you'll be there. Your friends will be there too, everything's gonna be okay" But then I realized that I was trying to lie to myself. Everything's a mess, nothing's gonna be okay. Okay, everyone might be there. But how 'bout him? It feels like I've lost him, feels like he's gone.
I have to stay focus for my performance, but I can't even get him out of my mind. And it's driving me crazy. I know it's not fair. I haven't prepared my shoes, clothes, or other stuff for tomorrow. But I don't even care, cause I keep thinking "Why should I do that? I won't be there. I'll stay in here tomorrow, in my own room. Alone, crying, feeling so lost just like today. Or even worse" God, I just need to doze off. But I can't even stop crying. I feel so lost, I'm not ready to face tomorrow. I'm not sure I can give my best. My friends will be there, and I won't able to give my best? I really don't want to let them down God, I swear.