CRAP

I went to bed at 3 AM and got up at 6 AM today. And I'm not even sleepy anymore. A message woke me up, a message that told me that I should text him as soon as I wake up. I wanted to reply the message but then suddenly, I started to cry again. It brought my sadness back. I've been waiting for him to reply my message, to calm me down, to make me feel a little bit better last night but he didn't even say "goodnight" or "good luck for your performance". This is it, this is the day that I've been waiting for. But still, I feel nothing today. Still, it feels that I won't be there. I've been preparing for my first performance since a month ago, but now I feel like I'm not ready yet. I'm chatting with a friend right now, I used to tell him everything. But now I can't even tell him what I'm feeling right now. I keep telling him that I'm not ready, I'm not sure I can give my best. He told me to stop crying, he kept asking what on earth is going on with me today. For God's sake I don't even know what's going on with me. I really wish that I can share my problem with him, but I can't even tell him the problem. Oh great, is this what you want?