Sorry and Thank You

Well, honestly I really don't know what to type right now. I don't even know what on earth is going on with me lately, I've been acting like a spoiled brat. And the worst part is, I blamed someone who's totally innocent. I blamed someone like it was all his fault, but the fact is it was all my fault. He had nothing to do with it. I didn't even explain what the F was going on with me, I just kept blaming and blaming him over and over again. And now I feel like such an idiot, I feel so bad right now. I've got more than anyone should, but I didn't even realize it. I have the best boyfriend ever, but all that I can do is just keep making him feel bad. I kept making him feel so bad while he was trying to make me feel happy. I was being so selfish, like it's always about me.
But when he said that he has a feeling too, it made me realize that it wasn't his fault. And I shouldn't act like this to him, I was being so cruel. It made me wondered, "do i deserve him?" He's too kind, too good for me. Then, I asked him to leave me, so that I can't hurt him any longer. So that I won't do the same mistake. But he refused to leave me, he chose to kept his promise. That he won't ever leave me, and it makes me realize how lucky I am. I just wanna say thanks for keeping your promise, even when I asked you to break it. Thanks for staying by my side, even when I kept asking you to leave. Thanks for believing me, even when I didn't have faith in myself. And last but not least, thank you for loving me. You have no idea, how glad I am to be yours.

Yes, Preachy

Gooooood what the F is going on with her? She came to my room just to scold me. She's becoming soooo preachy, and it makes me sick. She used to be so funny, she was the one who always make stupid jokes to cheer me up. I really don't wanna get out of my room, I don't even wanna see her face right now. How can she hope that I'll spend most of my time with her if she keeps scolding me? It's freaking me out, she's turning into someone I don't recognize. Why can't she accept the truth? I can't be who she wants me to be, I am who I am. If she can't accept that, that's her problem. I've tried my best to be her best, but if it's never enough. I won't change anything for her, I won't become someone else. I don't hate her, I won't. I know she's trying to be a good mom, but that's just not the right way. I really miss the old her, for God's sake. Please tell me your silly jokes that used to make me laugh so hard. Share your funny stories that used to make me can't stop laughing, mom. I need them so bad right now.

All I wanna do

Tadi pagi gue bener2 out of mood. Dari td malem sbnr nya gue ga mood ngapa2 in bawaan nya mau nangis, mau ngamuk mulu kyk apaan. Eh tiba2 pembantu gue ngmg "temen kamu mau kesini ya? udh nyampe tuh". Gue kira itu ria, tp kan gue jd nya hari senin jalan sama ria nya. Gue tanya sama pembantu gue, "cewe apa cowo?" dgn enteng nya pembantu gue ngmg "cowo, tiga orang" shock langsung gue, siapa coba2 pagi2 muncul dpn rmh gue? tiga orang pula.

Waktu gue liat lewat ruang tamu, ternyata yg dtg djody sama tmn2 nya. Tadinya gue udh pgn msk kamar lg ga pgn ktm, tp ya gue mikir kok jahat bgt sih ya dia udh bela2 in dtg gue nya malah gamau ktm. Yaudah akhir nya gue tungguin sampe dia msk rmh, eh dia nya malah gamau msk (bikin tambah kesel aja sih hah) malah gue nya di panggil ke pintu lagi. Yaudah gue datengin ke pintu, eh tiba2 dia ngasih gue bunga mawar. Ah gila gue antara msh kesel sama tiba2 kangen bgt gara2 liat muka nya jd pgn meluk. Yaudah relfeks gue peluk aja abis nya tiba2 gue kangeeeen bgt, hilang langsung marah gue. (pinter emg lo jod)

Abis ngobrol2 kyk org bnr di dpn pintu ga pake ddk, lama2 gue pegel jg bediri. Yaudah gue suruh dia sama tmn2 nya msk. Akhir nya pada mau jg msk (gt kek ya drtd kan gue pegel bediri mulu) Waktu lg ngobrol2 tiba2 dia nyuruh gue ngitung jumlah bunga nya. Gue hitung ternyata ada 12, sama kyk tanggal jadian gue sama dia. Tambah ilang lg marah gue, mikir jg gue lama2 kok bisa ya gue seharian nangis2 mewek2 ga jelas, hilang gt aja gara2 di dtg in sama liat muka nya. Tapi mau gmn lg dong ya emg bnrn ilang kesel sama sedih gue waktu liat muka nya.

Gue jg ga ngerti knp se kesel kesel nya gue sama dia setiap dia minta maaf pasti susah bgt buat ga maafin dia karena honestly gue jg ga kuat marahan lama2 sama dia. Bawaan gue tuh ngeliatin hp aja nungguin dia sms gue (gamau sms duluan) ntr klo dia udh sms gue nya kumat bls nya pendek2 hem sok bagus emg haha. Tp ya untung nya gue ga pernah marahan sama dia yg kelewat lama dan jgn sampe deh gue gamau bayangin juga. Well I hope not a million fights could make us hate each other. Cause all I wanna do is just to be with you forever and ever.